Prompt: Never underestimate the lives of old men sitting on park benches. (from “642 Things to Write About“, by the San Francisco Writers’ Grotto)
It was a warm afternoon in September and we had been picnicking under the shade of an old elm tree in the park when I noticed an older gentleman dressed in mud-colored polyester pants, a cream colored dress shirt, matching mud-colored jacket, yellow bow tie with brown polka dots, and wingtips that had been buffed to a shine sitting alone on a green bench in the middle of the park. He appeared to be in his late 70’s or early 80’s, a shock of wavy white hair topping his head.
“I wonder what his story is,” I said and tilted my head in his direction about thirty feet away.
“I bet he’s a retired spy, or Hollywood director, or something like that,” my husband answered sarcastically.
“Tony, stop. He looks lonely. He’s been sitting there by himself for awhile now. I think I’ll see if he wants a strawberry. I bet he’s just waiting for someone to come talk to him. Look at him.”
“He’s not a stray dog. He’s a person,” he laughed. “You can’t just throw a biscuit in his direction and hope he follows you home. You’re always approaching strangers and getting nosy. Sometimes people just want to enjoy their own peace and quiet. Leave him be.”
But Tony knew me better than that. Despite his admonishment he knew sooner or later I’d be chatting the old guy up with my basket of strawberries. In fact, it was one of the things he loved most about me – my ability to approach complete strangers and become fast friends with them.
“Whatever, I’m going over there. Besides, I don’t want to be like that when I’m old and you’re dead – because let’s face it, I’m probably going to outlive you anyway – and I don’t want to be sitting on some old park bench looking sad and lonely,” I joked.
“Have it your way. I’m going to take a nap then.” He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.
I rifled through our picnic basket and found the strawberries we had purchased at the Farmers Market that morning. I stood up and walked over to the old man sitting on the bench.
“Hi,” I said. “Nice day.”
“It is.”
“Would you like a strawberry?”
He eyed me suspiciously.
“I’m afraid they won’t make the trip home and I’d hate to see them go to waste,” I said to make an excuse for why I was offering this stranger a basketful of perfectly good strawberries. “See, they’re getting a little mushy already,” I said as I showed the basket to him. I popped one into my mouth just to prove I wasn’t trying to poison him or anything.
He carefully selected a large, ripe strawberry from the basket and bit into the end. His dark brown eyes lit up with surprise and joy as he tasted the berry.
“Sweet, huh?” I offered.
“Wonderful,” he explained when he stopped chewing. “The sweet tooth is the last to go, you know. I can hardly taste most of my food anymore, but the sweet stuff I can still taste.”
“Here, have another,” and I offered him the basket.
“Thank you. Have a seat,” he patted a spot next to him on the green park bench. “What’s your name?”
“Chelsea.”
“That’s a nice name. Classy.”
“Thanks,” I laughed.
“And what’s his name over there,” he said, pointing to my husband napping under the tree.
“Tony. It’s short for Anthony.”
“Tony and Chelsea. Nice sounding names.”
“Thanks,” I said again. “What’s your name?”
“Theodore, although everyone calls me Theo.”
“Well nice to meet you Theo.”
“Same to you, Chelsea.”
I smiled. “So you live around here?”
“Right over there,” he said as he pointed to a three-story brownstone on the other side of the park. “But not for much longer. My son and daughter have reserved a casita for me at Casa de Mañana. I move in next week and they assure me I’ll like it. I’m not so sure though.”
I looked at him encouragingly, hoping he’d continue his story.
“I used to be a composer. I wrote scores for movies, mostly in the 1960’s, mostly B movies, but it paid the bills and I was able to buy that building over there and with the help of my beautiful wife, Marion, raise two children.
“We renovated the building, traveled, rubbed elbows with the cool people. We fought, we loved, we learned.”
“Really? That’s so cool.”
“But my wife died three years ago and my loving daughter Karen has convinced her brother, Steve, that I should be in a place where I, ‘don’t have to work so hard to maintain my home.’ Bollocks! I can take care of myself. Do you have children? Because if you don’t, don’t start now. Pain in the ass, I tell ya,” and he chuckled.
“No,” I answered with a sigh, “we don’t have kids.”
Theo must have caught something in my tone or maybe he noticed the way my shoulders slumped when I answered his question, because suddenly his tone softened.
“But you want them, don’t you? And you can’t have them. Am I right?”
I didn’t trust myself to speak just then, so I only nodded. Despite my effort to choke them back, tears began sliding down my face. I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see. What was I doing making a scene in front of a perfect stranger on a green park bench in the middle of Boston? I glanced quickly towards Tony and was grateful to see he was still sleeping. He was always giving me a hard time about talking to strangers. And now a perfectly friendly conversation – one in which I was supposedly helping someone else feel better – had shifted unexpectedly. Now I was the one who felt sad and lonely. The memories of all the failed fertility sessions rushed back.
“Listen,” Theo said gently, dipping his face underneath mine to meet my tear-soaked eyes. He smelled like strawberries. “The Universe has something in store for you, I’m sure. And while I know that the words of a stranger probably hold little weight, just know that it’s often the things we don’t plan that make us the happiest in our lives.
“I can tell just from knowing you what? 10 minutes? That you are a kind, gentle soul. That you care about the people around you – otherwise you wouldn’t have offered a mothball-eaten old man a strawberry. Look at the things you do have. A wicked sense of humor. You’re smart. And you have someone in your life who understands you.”
I jerked my head up in astonishment, my look conveying the question.
“How did I know? I watched the two of you together for a good 20 minutes before you came to talk to me. I could hear you talking and laughing. You love each other. But more than that, you have a purpose in life. You may not know what it is, and you may not find it for a while, but trust me, it’s there. Every one of us is born for a purpose. We all have a life path and sometimes we forget, deep down inside what that path is, and try to take the path of others – whether it’s to follow a career, start a family. Maybe instead you’re supposed to invent a flying car. Or bring fresh drinking water to African villages. Or open a restaurant that changes the way people see food. Or just live a good, honest life. It doesn’t matter what it is, just know that whatever it is, it’s the fulfillment of your life’s purpose.
“People want to believe that they can have it all – but at what cost? The movies and TV shows never show how one area of your life suffers when you spread yourself too thin. The magazine articles never discuss how – as much as you think you’re giving everything your undivided attention – you never really can. It’s physically, emotionally, and spiritually impossible. In the end, something – someone – suffers. Trust me on this one, sweetheart.
“But the smart ones, the ones who listen to their inner guide – they figure it out. They realize that not everyone has the same path, nor should they. They recognize that there are other paths out there and despite what they think they should do, their inner compass guides them towards what they know in their heart they should be doing.”
He was right. I had known all along, Tony had known all along, that a family wasn’t in our cards, but we kept trying anyway because it’s what was expected of us. Our family, our friends – all of them kept telling us how wonderful we would be as parents, how it was just a matter of time before we got pregnant.
But alone, Tony and I discussed what it might be like to not have kids. How we would have the flexibility travel to all of the places we had only dreamed about. How we could volunteer for causes we passionately believed in without having to worry about taking time away from our children. How we would be the best Aunt and Uncle we could be to our various nieces and nephews – a sort of substitute family. How we could devote that energy to becoming better people.
And on a green park bench in the middle of Boston, a kind old gentlemen confirmed these thoughts – that maybe we were meant for something else, and maybe that was okay.
I smiled, unable to express my gratitude to this stranger. This frayed old man whose wisdom and understanding of life had suddenly helped rid me of a burden I had carried for so long. I shouted at Tony to wake him up, “Come meet Theo.”